Monday, July 10, 2006

Thank Fuck It's Finished!

When this World Cup started, it seemed like we were going to get one of the best tournaments ever. The group games seemed much less cautious affairs than before, and some of the best goals of the tournament (Cole, Cambiasso, Lahm) were scored in the preliminary round.
Then, when it moved into the knockout phases, it became the World Cup that could've been. There was no one single player like a Pele, Cruyff, Rossi or Maradona who took the tournament by storm. There should've been; there were players there like Ronaldinho, Messi, Henry and Rooney who all could have set the Cup alight and yet didn't. Instead we had cagey, defensive games where the cynics and cheats won, and the massive global audience lost out. Despite noises from FIFA that fair play was to win out, we saw the opposite, and the cup had some very bad referees. We ended up with a final where the only talking point really was a head-butt.
Anyway, for what it's worth, here's my bests and worsts of Germany 2006:
Best Goal:
It's gotta be Cole's volley against Sweden. I know Cambiasso's 24 pass team goal was technically very good football, but it was boring to watch! You can't beat a 40 yard screamer.
Best Game:
Apparently, it was Germany v Italy, but I didn't see that one. The best one I saw was Argentina v Serbia. The Argies were awesome that day.
Worst match:
Switzerland 0 Ukraine 0. The Swiss were so shite they missed more penalties than WE did!
Worst refereeing performance:
Graham Poll. Giving three yellow cards to one player is just amateurish. I know the ref in the Holland/Portugal game had a 'mare, but just look who he was dealing with- The two biggest sets of cheating bastards since the dawn of time.
The Greg Louganis award for diving:
You guessed it: Cristiano Ronaldo. Although, let's be fair, those German super long blades of grass can get entwined round your studs. At it only affected the Portuguese. And having a twisted sock can be very painful.
The 'Lisa Minge-Gynaecologist'(she's real: Google her!) awards for stupid names:
Quim (Portugal)
Zangalanga (Angola)
Fred ( Brazil)
and Lee-el Yung (S.Korea) always made me think Neil Young was playing when the commentators said it.
The most predictable thing that could have happened, ever.
England going out on fucking penalties to a bunch of fucking Oscar-winning cheating bastards.
ITV or BBC?:
BBC, definitely. Even their shittest commentators (Garth Crooks, Motty, Ian Wright) are much better than the squabbling Cockneys ITV stuck on the shit-pump.

And apparently, Theo Walcott has tested positive in a drug's test. They found traces of Calpol.


bb said...

I just read that FIFA awarded Portugal most entertaining team of the tournament. What? WHAT?!!!

mick said...

Well, they got me out of my seat.
It was to kick the telly, but at least I got off my arse.

Jemima said...

I roared with laughter all the way through the Portugal/Netherlands game. It was hilarious and hugely entertaining, in all the wrong ways. Huzzah.