Monday, November 27, 2006

Vegetarianism is Murder.

What's the connection between the following people? Annie Lennox. Morrissey. Billy Idol. Boy George. Chrissie Hynde. Damon Albarn. Des'Ree. Eddie Vedder. Lenny Kravitz. Peter Gabriel.
No, it's not the fact that they're all pompous arseholes whose glory days are long gone. They are all vegetarians. (I got these names from here which is a list of famous vegetablists. Although historical flesh avoiders Einstein, Newton, Epicurus and Franklin are on there, the most famous vegetarian of all time-Adolf Hitler-is missing. I'm beginning to think they might be a little choosy as to who they let on the list.)
I'm not against vegetarianism for the most part. It's just not for me. I've been co-habiting with a herbivore for nearly fourteen years, and my kids are veggies as well, so I've tried a lot of the alternatives. I don't mind soya mince or quorn, but tofu tastes like wax-coated dog cum (don't ask me how I know what that tastes like-what a night that was!). I've tried them but they're not a decent substitute for bacon at all. You won't convince me at all. I understand people's reasons for doing it, but I love meat too much.
I'm posting on this subject because last night I went to a vegetarian curry house. It was full of the people I expect to see at these places. Old hippies. Men and women with beards. (Famous comics beardie and hero of mine Alan Moore is also a veggie) sandal wearers, those people with ridiculous Lapp reindeer herder-type wooly hats,and Ill-looking young couples who are probably only in there because they were born too late to go on CND marches. Vegetarianism needs to get trendy if it's going to convert people. For every Joaquin Phoenix making it cool you've got a Carla Lane bringing it down again.
It was a buffet affair which meant you can have as much sick as you like. It was for the most part, fairly bland, and how I missed my Northern Indian garlic chilli chicken. A curry without meat is like a day without sunshine! There were lots of pictures of Jamie Oliver in there shaking hands with the staff, which put me off even more. If rubber lips likes it, I won't. The after-effects today were startling, with my stomach being bloated up with gas which has been seeping out in cabbagey bursts every five minutes or so. So further proof to myself, should I need it, that I'm definitely a carnivore.

12 comments:

DanProject76 said...

I am a vegetarian. Have been for about 20 years... but I am not one of 'those' kind of veggies. I don't even like tofu or nuffink.

Jemima said...

THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH A PROPERLY MARINATED PIECE OF TOFU!


FASCISTS


And more reasonably, I am concerned that vegetarianism seems to lead to unorthodox alphabeticisation. By first name? How very radical.

IanDSharman said...

I've been co-habiting with a veggie for a month now. No point cooking two meals so I've kinda become veggie by default. Gave in and had a McDonald's Big Tasty burger the other day. Bad idea... After a month without meat my digestive tract was rather shocked by the sudden influx of ground beef. Not good.

mick said...

Dan: I reckon the vegetablists who say they like tofu are lying. Saying that, a fairly famous comics artist I know, who isn't a veggie, actively opts for tofu curry at restaurants. He's not being held at gunpoint or anything!

Jemima:There is everything wrong with marinated tofu, starting with the fucking taste of it! And being alphabeticised by your first name is only right seeing as surnames are so patriarchal and sexist, man.

Ian: I know all about the "default veggie" stuff, as I'm the only 'meaty' in the house, and as I'm lazy, I'll cook the same for everyone, which means that, five nights out of seven, I'm munching down on soya or quorn. It's done wonders for my waistline!(Has it bollocks!)

steve said...

Meat is murder, but its also nice! Meat! Bacon! Gammon! Duck! Steak! Lamb! Salmon! Chicken! Meat!

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IanDSharman said...

Aha...I see you've discovered why you have to do that weird security thing when you post on my blog...

Oh...and you have to love Quorn sausages... Well, actually you don't. And the veggie in my life doesn't either, which left me with "extra" Quorn sausages for dinner last night...yum...

mick said...

Quorn sausages are vile. They're better than Linda McCartney's ones though. The worst veggie sausages are the ones I tried at the Ramada in Bristol during the Comic Expo. They had bits of twig and leaves and dung in them.
In my opinion, the best veggie sausages are made by Cauldron.

IanDSharman said...

Oh...wait...I think they were Cauldron ones...still gross....

Pacian said...

Hitler was prescribed a vegetarian diet by some dodgy doctors, but was otherwise partial to Bavarian sausages, game pie and stuffed pigeon.

Watch QI. :-P

mick said...

Welcome to the fold, Pacian. The one little bit of moral high ground I had left over veggies (the fact Adolf was one also) has been snatched away from me! Curse you Stephen Fry!
(I do try to watch QI every week; I always end up asleep by the end of it!)