Wednesday, November 07, 2007

How to feel up women in shopping centres and get away with it.

This week, after being dumped (it's happening so often lately I may start saying 'splitting up with women' is a hobby of mine!) I was feeling down, totally lacking in self-esteem and confidence. But ITV tonight has shown me the solution! All I need is the right bra! After a trip to La Senza tomorrow I can face the world with a smile again, because I know my 'womble's noses' are properly supported!
I can't believe Trinny and Susannah strung out the fact that most women wear the wrong size bra to fill an hour's worth of telly. I was about to eat my dinner, and needed some shit to watch while I was ingesting, so I thought a programme about tits the ideal choice. It was basically an excuse for these two harridans to go round feeling women up in shopping centres. (It's better than my usual excuse, anyway!) At one point the skinny one (Trinny? I'm not absolutely sure. They don't always stand in alphabetical order like Ant and Dec do.) even put on a prosthetic pair of tits and did exercises and came to the conclusion that it felt strange for her. Well, I'm not a so-called style expert, but even I know that if I tried on a fake pair of plastic tits and jumped around in a park, it would feel pretty fucking strange to me and all!
The fact that I turned a programme about breasts off halfway through also feels strange. Kinda unnatural. Isn't prime-time telly these days a load of old shit, eh?

(This picture came from here. This site is brilliant. The art is so good I may now have to hang up my ink brush for good, as I have witnessed a perfection I cannot hope to match. And I've spent the best part of this year drawing Ray Winstone! I think I may have to start sketching with biros again. I used to do it all the time. This site has re-lit my fire!)


Andy Winter said...

"And I've spent the best part of this year drawing Ray Winstone!"

Don't you mean "drawing someone who, by some weird coincidence, looks a bit like Ray Winstone but absolutely isn't him"?


Laura Howell said...

Oh my Gawd, that website is genius... I nominate them to be the new picture editors of HEAT magazine XD

Mick said...

Andy: You're absolutely right, it is an uncanny resemblance Marley has to Ray. In no way is it Ray. Maybe Marley could earn a crust as a celebrity lookalike once he leaves Her Majesty's Secret Service.

Laura: It can only improve Heat magazine, though I reckon the best way to improve Heat magazine is to not cut the trees down they've made the rag out of in the first place.