Rearranged Dates.

Last night I was supposed to see Nine Inch Nails at the Birmingham Academy with some friends. Trent Reznor had piles or something so the gig was postponed. One of my friends, let's call him Mark, as it's his name, had driven up from Bristol and so was a little miffed when I texted him to tell him it was cancelled. He promptly 'phoned me back, refusing to believe me and thinking it was one of my wind ups. After I convinced him it wasn't, we agreed to have a couple in my local instead, and after we finished watching a man sort his massive bagful of porno DVDs out in full view of everyone (he was getting them out and arranging them on the next cushion of the sofa he was sitting on), I told him my news about my changed marital status. This was when I might have insulted him.
I was telling him that I'm worried about going 'out on the pull' again. All of my friends are married or in serious relationships, so I'd have to go on my own. Going out on your own is rubbish and sad. Also, the whole notion of going 'out on the pull' is a bit wearisome, and when I'm out drinking, I hate watching the wankers who are trying to get into someone's knickers making a twat of themselves. It's all changed these days, anyway, because when I was last single there wasn't any of this modern speed dating or internet dating, and I find both of these things suspicious anyway. Also, I told Mark, women my age are either married, have kids, married with kids, and if they don't have kids, there's probably something wrong with them. Mark looked at me funnily. It was then I realised that he and his wife don't have kids, and he's my age. He forgave me though, as we've known each other since we were eleven, but I really must learn to keep my big, flapping pelican's beak shut.

P.S. It's a woman's choice if she wants kids or not. There's not anything wrong with women who don't want them. I was just being flippant, and I'm also trying to head off a sexism charge.